Last Of The Taxes With A Trip To The Dump [Exclusive]

Those boys in Washington shucked my corn so tight I had to go in hiding for a couple of days. And if that wasn't enough Bill Gates strapped his saddle on me for one more ride. Just as I hit the "send" button on my taxes Thursday night the little mice turning the wheels inside slipped and the program crashed. If that weren't enough they took my file with them when they fell (it corrupted my tax file). And being the brave soul that I am there were no other copies of my work. So, it was back to Go and I sure didn't collect $200. I finally had the stuff entered and submitted by the bewitching hour and I have enough back-ups to fill a five gallon bucket. So with that and having to write a check to the crooks in my hometown I was evermore happy that the weekend came. I still wonder how we got by in the South without so many taxes. These guys up here sure know how to rake in the money. Besides Federal and State taxes, they rake in 1.5% flat local income tax to go with a 7.5% sales tax. I need one of those fine jobs down at city hall.

Speaking of the fine politicians of my hometown, finally one of our leaders tucked tail and run. Still waiting on the city manager and the rest of the council of cockroaches to get a clue. God knows they couldn't be responsible for the guy who cleaned our clock. They only run the town. How could they know what was going on? Of the millions missing they were able to account for about $84,000. Boys that's just a few kernels shy of the cob.

The doctors have taken a morbid interest in disecting my gizzards and finding out how they work. Tuesday they plan on running something no smaller than a garden hose down the old pie hole. (Lucky I guess they chose the upper end.) It's not like I hadn't had this done before. The good news is they give you something that makes moonshine look like Kool-Aid. By Tuesday afternoon I'll be three sheets to the wind without a care in the world. Slight recompense for letting them rotorooter your vocal chords. I wonder how that stuff is gonna add to those little pills the other doc gave me? I bet I won't care either way.

I went out to the local dump yesterday. Now that was interesting. I bet you thought us folks from Alabama had an exclusive on the rednecks. Not hardly. Ohio has got its fair share. We got in line to get weighed out and when my line moved faster this fellow got so upset his language out-smelled the dump. Considering the dump stank so bad it would knock a flock of buzzards off a manure wagon, that was pretty bad. I looked to see what the fuss was about and here was this Sumo Wrestler in a T-shirt and half a mouth full of teeth looking like he wanted a part of me. He was cruising in this rust bucket cusomized van (you see a lot of rust up here). Now that must be real fun going to the dump in your decked out van. The question to me seemed to be was he dropping off or picking up?

Well folks, that's the news from the lovely farm fields of North Central Ohio. Come on up and sit a spell. We might just wonder down to the dump for entertainment.